December 2nd

From Wisdom for Today:

As my addiction progressed, I found that I became very careless. It got to the point that I didn't care about my family. I didn't care about my work. I didn't care about my friends. And I certainly didn't care about me. My ability to care about what was really important was drained out of me. I would try and put on a good show, but the reality was that I just didn't care. I was no longer using alcohol and drugs to have fun; I was using just to feel normal. I would wake up in the morning and be drawn right back to the insanity of my life. There just was no way out, and I didn't care anymore.

I got clean and sober, but my attitude had not changed. I still didn't care. I was just going through the motions. I would go to the meetings and say the right things, but I just didn't care. I had lost a lot because of my addiction, but I didn't care enough to try and get it back. My attitude was pervasive in my life. I really didn't care what my sponsor's advice was, because I really didn't care about me. This defect of character had to go if I ever was going to get clean and sober. I needed to learn how to care about myself again. I needed to learn to care about my life again. I needed to learn to care about others again. Have I started to care and be caring again?

Meditations for the Heart:

God is all around us. His spirit abounds in the universe. When I look back at my life, I am not sure when I began to care about myself again. It seems that there were many things standing in the way. Guilt, shame and self-hatred all served as blocks to caring. I went to meetings and heard it was a selfish program, but I didn't care enough to really try. Today I have come to believe that this willingness to begin to care for myself again is a gift from God. I know I would not have had any chance at recovery without this gift. Still, I have to do the footwork, which means that I need to care enough about myself to work the steps. It starts with very simple things like eating right and taking yourself to meetings. Do I recognize the need for the gift of self-care and then act upon it?

Petitions to my Higher Power:

God,

I am so grateful that You cared about me when I could not care for myself. I am grateful You put people in my life to help me learn how to care for myself again. It has not always been easy, as there was so much self-hatred I needed to overcome. Yet, You stuck with me and helped me find a way to care again. Teach me more about caring each day that I walk on this pathway to recovery.

Amen.