December 20th

From Wisdom for Today:

As I went through the process of completing my Fourth Step, I found my heart very unsettled. A lot of different emotions spun around on the inside. I found myself becoming very angry at this disease and how it had ruined my life. I found myself disgusted with who and what I had become. I found that tears started to flow freely as the sadness of all the losses I had experienced were finally realized. I hurt for my family and what I had done to them. I felt overwhelmed at times by all of these different emotions that surfaced and were frozen deep inside me.

My denial had enabled me not to look at myself. There was an incredible sense of shame that seemed to blanket me. Yet there was this small voice inside of me that said, “Do not be afraid!” As troubling as all this was, I knew that it was stuff I needed not only to face, but also to take ownership of it. Something told me that this was the road I needed to take to find my way out. Looking back, I now understand that my Higher Power was taking care of me in the process. Even though there were many parts of my life that I did not enjoy seeing, I was never given more than I could handle. Most of these unpleasant emotions would have given me every reason to drink or use in the past, but the thought of using never entered my mind. What did enter my mind was a desire to stop the insanity and rebuild my life. Do I understand how important it is to have the support of others in program and faith in my Higher Power, so that I can complete Step Four?

Meditations for the Heart:

Pride shuts and locks the door to an open relationship with God. There are two keys that can be used to open this door, both the regular lock and the deadbolt. The first key is humility. When we swallow our pride and admit that we are not God and humbly ask for help and guidance, we turn the first key to unlocking the door. The second key to unlock the deadbolt is obedience. When we choose to follow the directions we are given in recovery and stop insisting that we can do it our way, the key is turned to unlock the door. When we find this humility and become obedient to the will of our Higher Power, the door opens to realizing God’s love for us. We find peace, and we find joy in recovery. This spiritual concept is an essential stone in the foundation of recovery, and without a strong foundation our house will not stand. Am I building a solid foundation?

Petitions to My Higher Power:

God,

Let me turn to You this day in humility and obedience, asking for direction and guidance. Let me know and experience Your love and joy in recovery. Let me find courage and willingness in my walk with You today. Help me build a solid foundation, so that this house of recovery may stand strong.

Amen.