Powerless Over Alcohol and Drugs

In all honesty, i think it was when i went up for parole... i'd been sober 2 different times for over a year... i had been to about 10 treatment & detox centers... i had been divorced 3 times (all my fault)... i had been around the rooms of AA and NA for about 18 years... But .................. i stilled always made a conscious decision to use again... i always had a new plan of attack, a new way i was gonna beat this thing... that's how bad i wanted to drink and drug and party... not socially, (fuck that)... but get loaded without concequences... that was my goal... i was determined to live my life looking for a way to beat the game... and then came 2006... i got locked up for my 10th offense DUI and was declared a habitual offender... 8 months later i went up for parole, and the parole board officer told me to not come back... i thought he meant to jail? but he meant to another parole board hearing, cause he didn't want to see me anymore... i was devastated... how dare him... i was no killer, i was no rapist, i was just an addict who got caught 10 times... but anyway, 2 weeks later they transported me from the county jail to prison, and it took me 3 years to flatten my 4 year sentence... somewhere amongst all that shit i realized it was always gonna be this way... i was gonna spend the rest of my life trying to get out of trouble, and everyone within a 300 mile radius of me had my number... from then on it was just a matter of me begging for help, and being grateful for the help... i had nowhere else to turn but up... i suppose you might say, i hit my bottom!