What are 12-Step Meetings?
12-step meetings are one of the primary "tools of recovery." 12-step programs are comprised of groups that meet at designated times and days of the week. Some groups meet more than once per week. The more widely known programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) have hundreds of thousands of groups meeting nationally and internationally.
Meetings have various formats. Generally, meetings open with the reading of the twelve-step program's preamble, a description of the common problem, as well as the proposed solution. To help you understand how the ideas of 12-step recovery programs are adapted from a common source, here is the preamble of Alcoholics Anonymous followed by the preamble for Adult Children Anonymous:
Alcoholics Anonymous Preamble
"Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of women and men who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions.
AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization, or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety."
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) Preamble
"Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and fulfilling relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery-learning to love the self. Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors.
We rely upon the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others. In CoDA, we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding, and we allow others the same privilege.
This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance and serenity in our lives."
The Opening Prayer of Codependents Anonymous
In the spirit of love and truth, we ask our Higher Power
To guide us as we share our experience, strength and hope.
We open our hearts to the light of wisdom,
The warmth of love, and the joy of acceptance.
It is also common that the program's 12 steps and/or 12 traditions are read.
Throughout the 12-step community, it is understood that all it takes is two or more people to have a meeting. The number of people in attendance is secondary. The primary purpose of any meeting is to give and receive a message of hope that recovery is possible. The message is carried when people who share a common problem come together in a meeting to share their experiences, strengths, and hopes with one another. Going to these meetings regularly starts the process of recovery.
After the opening readings, some groups have an experienced member share his or her "story." A member's story usually includes what life was like before coming to the program; what set of circumstances and feelings brought them to seek help from the program; and what he or she has experienced since coming into the program.
Hopefully, the member's story helps newcomers identify with the feelings more so than the experiences and come to the realization that they, too, can recover. The process also helps the storyteller remember where he or she has been and where he or she wants to go. Understanding one's own history is important so that people will not continue with behaviors that will only result in the repeating of that history. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Understanding is also the fertile ground where an attitude of gratitude can grow. Gratitude affects the recovery process in a positive way.
Next, the speaker or someone in attendance usually suggests a discussion topic. Examples of topics include:
· Gratitude
· Sponsorship
· Staying Focused One Day at a Time
· Honesty and How it Affects Recovery
· Recovery and Relapse
· Living Life on Life's Terms
· What Lengths Are You Willing to Go to Recover?
The meeting is then opened for sharing by anyone in attendance. Everyone in the meeting is free to talk about the topic, or about any urgent problems, and/or living situations they may be experiencing.
"Share" is the term 12-steppers use to describe the act of verbally communicating with another their feelings and experiences of the moment or the past, problems and solutions, fears or hopes, and defeats or victories. Cross talk is not allowed because 12-steppers are encouraged to "learn to listen and listen to learn." If someone at the meeting can relate to what is shared, they may, in turn, share similar experiences or feelings; this "sharing" process allows everyone to witness that they are not alone in what they feel or whatever situation they may find themselves. Together, solutions are found. Feelings of alienation and isolation begin to slip away. There is a special therapeutic value in people with a common problem sharing with one another; there is something special about hearing and interacting with other people, who have done that, been there, and gotten through it. Through this sharing process, people come to believe that they can get through anything, with the help of others, without going back to the destructive behavior that brought them to the point of desperation in the first place.
Meetings also provide a safe haven. For example, if a person is recovering from alcohol or drug addiction, there maybe times when he or she has an overwhelming desire or compulsion to drink alcohol or use other drugs. In this case, it is suggested that the person attend a meeting or call a sponsor or another member of the program, as soon as possible. In larger urban cities, there are usually several meetings going on in different parts of the city or surrounding suburbs throughout the day.
Once at the meeting, if that member tells the other members about the compulsion and desire to use, most often he or she will not act on it. Other members may share that they, too, have felt that way at times but that it soon passes. The sharing process gives hope and encourages the person to hold on for one more day which reinforces the concept of taking life one day at a time.
The general premise of all the 12-step programs: Together participants can do what none of them can do alone. For example, in the case of an alcoholic in recovery, the program participant comes to believe that maybe there is some truth to the slogan "we can stay sober; whereas I could never stay sober on my own." In the cases of the compulsive gambler or the sex addict in recovery, or whatever the addiction or primary problem, going to meetings drives home the "we" concept and will make the goal of abstaining from destructive behavior patterns obtainable-one day at a time.
One day at a time is a critical concept in all the 12-step programs. We constantly remind each other, depending on the program, "do not pick up a drug, just for today; do not steal, just for today; do not give up your boundaries, just for today; etc." 12-steppers are encouraged to take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. The next minute is not even promised. Looking ahead to tomorrow, next week, next month, or for the rest of a person's life can be overwhelming. The goal is to surrender some of the burden that presses in when one tries to look at the whole picture. There is even a saying amongst 12-steppers, "If you have one foot on yesterday and one foot on tomorrow, you'll be pissing all over today."
In addition to providing a safe haven, 12-Step meetings provide an avenue for meeting people who have found hope and a new way of life. Some may even develop into friendships. However, this is not the goal. In time, the newcomer to the program will get to know fellow 12-steppers, if not by name, then by their stories. This is an added benefit of being a part of the program because participants come to know who to go to for help with troublesome issues; this promotes an exchange of sharing. The word "sharing" implies with each other-their experiences, strengths, and hopes which reinforces another 12-Step Program slogan: "You can only keep what you have by giving it away." Translation: the more the giver gives; the more the giver receives.
More importantly, the more experienced members, or "old-timers," will get to know the newcomer. Recovery is a two-way street: It is been the experience of 12-Steppers that the more the newcomer lets someone know about him or her, the more help they can receive. As the newcomer opens up, most will find that the suggestions from "old-timers" will seem tailor-made-just for them.
Active 12-Step members have found meetings to be one of life's most valuable classrooms. While attending the meetings, members learn about the life changing 12 steps. The steps are to be practically applied to daily living situations; they are a part of the foundation needed for successful living and sustained recovery. The 12 steps and 12 traditions are the foundation of the program. Attending meetings is necessary, but to be "into" the program means to be "into" the steps and traditions. Developing an understanding and working knowledge of the principles represented in the steps and traditions is where lasting effective change happens.
Newcomers will hear and see many things while going to meetings; some things they will agree with; some things not. One can always put what is heard on a mental shelf for later use; surprisingly, many of us discover that something heard during previous meetings helped in problems and situations that arose later.
Most importantly, meetings carry the message to the newcomer that recovery is possible. As people talk about their experienced the newcomers relate and begin to believe that they are in the right place to get the kind of help that they need. One meeting at a time, the newcomer's wall of denial is slowly chipped away.
People talk about overcoming their fears, not feeding into the destructive behaviors, being reunited with their families, finally letting go of the past, gaining self- respect, and a myriad of other things. This all fuels the hope. Just knowing that others have known a similar kind of despair and feeling of hopelessness brings comfort and strengthens our own desire to get better. Everyone is encouraged to "keep coming back," which is another slogan used in most 12-step programs. The common belief is that "more will be revealed."
We believe that the constant repetition of going to meetings, hearing the simple slogans like "keep coming back, one day at a time," as well as staying in touch with what life was like before the program, creates an atmosphere conducive to sustain recovery.
Most 12-step meetings close with members forming a circle, which is a symbol of the first tradition: "Our common welfare comes first; personal recovery depends on (AA/NA) unity."
United, most groups recite "The Lord's Prayer" or "The Serenity Prayer"-although some 12-Step programs, for example, Co-Dependants Anonymous have adapted their own prayers.
"The Lord's Prayer"
"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name. Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil." For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen. (Luke 11:2 KJV)
"The Serenity Prayer"
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." (St. Francis of Assisi)
Closing Prayer of Co-Dependants Anonymous
"We thank our Higher Power
for all we have received from this meeting.
As we close, may we take with us
the wisdom, love, acceptance, and hope of recovery."
Alcoholics Anonymous was the first 12-step program. The 12-Step Programs that have since emerged, must secure permission from Alcoholics Anonymous to reprint and adapt the “twelve steps” and the “twelve traditions” to their particular focus. The steps and traditions are listed at the end of this chapter.
12-Step programs are referred to as "fellowships" because each program is comprised of a community of people with a common problem, as well as a shared interest in recovering from that problem. The primary goal of 12-Step Programs is to find solutions to common problems and help others find recovery.
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Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:33 pm